Dreamtime

Just cause...

2009-11-24T14:15:52Z

And here is something fun to share while I enjoy my new "...and then Buffy staked Edward. The End." shirt

and now that I have your attention...

Chase Community Giving is donating $5,000,000 to charities around the USA. Facebook users are voting for the recipients! Moondancer voted for a charity called Growing Power Inc.

Growing Power is a national nonprofit organization and land trust supporting people from diverse backgrounds, and the environments in which they live, by helping to provide equal access to healthy, high-quality, safe and affordable food for people in all communities. Growing Power implements this mission by providing h...ands-on training, on-the-ground demonstration, outreach and technical assistance through the development of Community Food Systems that help people grow, process, market and distribute food in a sustainable manner. You can also read more at our BLOG

Please support the work that Growing Power does and VOTE for them for the the Chase grant money

"Transgender Day of Remembrance" and beyond

2009-11-21T15:04:37Z

I finished my essay for Eng 102 on the subject of acceptance of two-spirit identities past and present. I not only hope it gets me a good grade (:P) but that after the end of the semesters' portfolio judging my words can be used to educate. People need to understand the damaging effects our limited dualist gender system is having upon our children and the deep cutting emotional wounds left on these children when they grow to adulthood.

My essay is dedicated to Fred C. Martinez Jr. and all other two spirit and non-Native LGBTQ whose outer expressions of gender and sexual non-conformity and fluidity makes them a targets to the agents of hate infecting the heart and soul of our communities and schools. These sacred souls of our global family will never be forgotten.

Most of all I dedicate my righteous rage and my guardian spirit to the children who bravely walk a different path from that of most of their peers. I dedicate my passionate words and drive to facilitate change to the youth who rather than milling along with the masses stand true to themselves, leaving them far too often often standing alone.

You are not alone. I fight so that once day none of our children will have reason to doubt that they are valued and loved for who they are. I fight so that all of our children are safe. Until my spirit passes from this body into the arms of my ancestors, I will never stop fighting. Our children will know love. Our children will know pride. Our children will know acceptance. No matter what it takes, our children will be safe. As we will it, so shall it be!!!

Up for Air

2009-08-10T18:14:52Z

The past two weeks or so have been frantic. Between working on final review copies for Natural Order (yep, that means that novel will be coming out soon!) and pre college stuff, about all that left is my mommy duty time. I’ll try to recap best I can.

The most important thing was I finally got the financial aid details figured out (for the most part). With fall and spring semester tuition (since the recent price hike) at nearly 4k each, there was no doubt, I had to take both loans this year. Hopefully with time to make some grant and scholarship deadlines I won’t have to depend on loans so much the other years. I just found out I was now offered work study, but between my classes and being a mom, plus the 260 hours of volunteer time required for the M3C program scholarship (which considering the amount of volunteering I do as a norm shouldn’t be too hard if the kind of stuff I do qualifies) not sure when I can get in a college job…between classes? It is possible the work study is part of the M3C stuff, which would make it easier to fit in.

I love the folks in the Student Accessibility Center! They’ve been very helpful. I’m going to be able to set up note takers in all my classes and get audio/electronic versions of all my text books through their offices (with the proper receipt for buying the books for copywrite reasons). Ms Salzer (BVI Program/Alternative Text Coordinator) also advised me to get the most recent copy of Dragonspeak so not only will it read computer files back to me (useful for school and writing), but using the voice to text will be easier on my CTS (which is also good for both school and writing). Now if we could just get all my teachers to get back to her with the required texts for the fall semester that’d be a bonus. Looking online it appears that Dragon NaturallySpeaking is on version 10… is that correct?

Looking at the website I can get a Dragon NaturallySpeaking Pref 10 plus a Plantronics® Calisto™ Bluetooth Headset with USB Adapter for $299.99 (plus whatever shipping is I assume). A wireless headset is not a bad idea. Walking and writing, what an amazing concept, though not sure I’m ready to pay that much extra for a fancy wireless headset when I can get the software alone for about $150 plus shipping. Also looking for other places that might have the software cheaper (since I’d rather avoid using the evil that is Amazon.com if I can avoid it, even though through them I can save nearly 70 dollars…sigh). I have been reading reviews and most say the included basic mic for the software is crap, so I might have to look into spending the extra after all (if I can keep my kids from messing with the headset and ruining it like the others they have messed up) I also need to read this article on 'Digital Recorder Compatibility Report for Dragon NaturallySpeaking' closer, and compare brands, prices, etc to get a DVR that will work with the software as well…all this tech hurts Ms Moon’s brain.

I got one more week before her Warrior Princessness is done with camp and two weeks until Wolfboy finishes his work at the farm coop. That’s two weeks of children fighting most of the day with each other (*rolls eyes* siblings) while I try to write, edit, and finish getting ready for school. At least the school sent the supplies list for them a month before classes start instead of their typical two weeks before, so I have to get that done as well. $150 in school fees for the two of them, plus about $100 in school supplies and new dance shoes to boot. My daughter has her first of two testing sessions for her ADD, the second falling several days after school begins… not helpful, but the soonest they could get her in. I still have to get info on the after school child care for her when I have my afternoon classes, but I can’t even hope to get ahold of those folks that do the MPS after school program until a week before classes start the admins say. Hopefully it won’t be too pricey, on top over all the other expenses.

I wish I could make a solid decision on the degree I want to get. There are a lot of things I’d like to do as a career, but many either the job market is pretty dry for, or I don’t have some of the natural talents required to do that type of work. I loved the idea of being a sign language interpreter, but I talked to several friends who do it for a living and they say most interpreters end up with CTS and need surgery…I already have CTS and was hoping to avoid surgery. I’d love to teach, English/Creative writing would be wonderful, but will the struggling I have from my LDs with the technical end of writing I wonder if I can ever get good enough in that end of English to teach. I love the idea of showing kids like I was that they have stories inside them to tell, that even if the people around them don’t seem to care or listen to what they think and feel, that through words these kids can still have a voice.

I know, it’s weird to be diving headfirst into going back to college at 40 and have no idea what degree I want to have at the end of it all. It sucked to learn that most of the 29 creds I got my previous year at college 20 years ago don’t transfer since most are theatre related. Sure being a drama teacher would rock, but with even my kids creative arts school struggling to keep their art specialty programs, I imagine position for drama teachers will be slim pickings. I know whatever job I get I want to serve my communities, I want to make a real difference in some way, like I try to do with my writing. I’ve considered for a short time even getting a creative writing degree, but can’t find a way to make a regular paycheck I could support my family with on that.

So outside of working on edits, and being a mommy, that’s been most of where my brain has been drowning in. My doc did up my meds to 20mg for my ADD stuff, which seems to be helping some with focus, but with the kinesthetic side effects still noticeable, though milder than at 30mg, I don’t think I want to risk a higher dosage. I guess best I can hope is this will make enough of a difference to help my focus on my studies and the lectures. Still a couple more meeting to have and info to get, but I’m right on track with the college prep stuff, so that’s a relief. Thanks to all of you who sent supportive email (and even a couple postcards *wink*) that’s meant a lot.

Choices dilemma

2009-07-20T15:01:12Z

As you can tell my blog posts are limited while I continue to prep for my return to college. I’m excited about some of the classes I’m going to be taking, even though depending on what my new advisor says, some of those classes may be changing. Don’t get me wrong, I love my AISS advisor, but I’m looking into going for a Bachelors of Education so I’m supposed to have a different advisor to be sure I have the correct GER classes.

Here’s where my choices dilemma and stress comes in. There’s two things I’d like to do with an Education degree, neither I'm certain I have the natural skills required to do well. One is teaching creative writing (grade lvl I'm not sure about) and the other is ASL interpreter. Now the cool thing is the college has full majors in ASL, Interpreter, and teaching B-5 grade lvl for deaf and hard of hearing students.

As a person who knows how frustrating it can be to overcome a communication barrier I love the idea of doing that kind of work (working in service to the deaf community), however until I get into my first ASL class I don’t know how good I will be with sign language, or how well I will pick it up. I’m hoping my education within theatre and body langue expressiveness and the fact that I’m more kinesics than visional will help me in doing and learning sign. Once I finish and test through the first 4 semesters of ASL then I can take the cultural and ethics part of the ASL program which looks challenging as well as interesting.

With my love of fiction writing and poetry, and my desire to serve youth and my community in some capacity, the idea of teaching creative writing also appeals to me. Now I know I’m no way skilled enough to teach anyone anything…yet, but I hope to grow and learn a great deal in school on that path. I can’t tell how many years I wasted believing my ADD and dyslexia (even before I understood what my LDs were) would keep me from writing anything worthwhile.

Three novels and four novella contracts later (not even counting the number of short stories) I proved that personal dismissal to be completely false. I think what I like most about the idea of teaching creative writing is the idea of stirring up the confidence of other hopeful writers who much be letting doubts like those hold them back. I don’t think I get grammar and the tech end of things well enough to teach English as a whole, but I’m hopeful my passion for the fiction end of writing will help my chances of teaching that well.

The most important thing now is to be sure the GER classes I take this semester will work for either choice of career. After 20 years out of school I think I really need one semester at least to help me gauge the difficulty of keeping up and where I’m having problems. I may even find I am better at some things then I though I would be because of my years of life experiences. I’ve even been told I might be able to use some of my life experiences for earned college credits, too. I’m looking into that.

Well, back to another week of meetings and prep. I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

Moving forward

2009-07-14T15:21:11Z

I want to assure you all I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. This week has been very hectic. About a wee and a half ago I got the letter from the college saying I’d been accepted, and ever since then it’s been a whirlwind of research, meetings, and preparations. Here’s a condensed version, with the names made into letters in case folks would rather their names not be posted.

The core of it started with a call from my advisor at the American Indian Student Services wanting to know if I was still coming to school since I didn’t have a course schedule yet. I explained that I’d been told I couldn’t even see a career councilor until I was accepted into the UW system, and that had just happened. She made me an appointment and a few days later there I was in the AISS office.

It was great! Everyone was so friendly there. It’s a small place, but J gave me the tour anyways. There’s three computers for us to use, a fridge, a microwave, a small library and several comfy chairs. I can’t believe they got so much into the small set of offices, but it’s nice anyways. I asked J about how welcome I would be being paler and sans card, and she and Ms D both assured me there were many folks in their organization who struggling with racism in their families keeping them from their tribal family connection, and so I wasn’t alone in my struggle. They also assured me I would be very welcome and made me promise to use the AISS center as often as I could. I can’t even express how grateful I was to feel so included. It will be nice to have a place to come as a safe space like that.

That’s one of the coolest things about this college. There are lots of safe spaces available no matter gender, nationality, culture, or sexual preference. There’s even a multicultural space for students to come together as well. The school tried very hard to be fully inclusive, at least from what I can tell so far, even down to vegan food option in the campus restaurants. I still think for budget sake I’ll make my own meals to bring most days, but it’s good to know there are choices.

Another reassuring experience was my visit to the SAC (student accessibility center) office. There are so many more support resources available then there were when I went to school 20 years ago. Even if my ADD and dyslexia had been diagnosed then, I doubt the teaching college in WV would have had much in the way of help for me. Now I’ll have access to a note taker (a person in class who gets paid to make copies of their own notes for students who can’t take notes and listen to the instructor at the same time well), free audio versions of all of my school books (I wonder if I could convince SAC I required a women with a sexy accent to record my book as a study aid :P), and extra time and a private place for test taking. I’m looking into DVRs (digital voice recorders) so I can record and save all of my lectures to hear over again. Ms A, my advisor at SAC, says most professors will have not problem with me recording them like that, especially with the note from SAC explaining my needs.

One downer is being that I applied for school later than most, meaning also applied for FA later than most, my financial aid is limited for the first year at least. I got a decent sized pell grant, a local WI grant, and was offered two Stafford loans. The smaller one is government subsidized so no interested until 6 months after graduation…the larger loan is not. The trouble is with tuition going up and having to pay child care for the afternoon class I had to take and the days the kids are off school and I’m not, I have no choice but to take both loans this year. From what I can tell next year (if I keep my grades up) I’ll have access to several other scholarships and such, so I can likely avoid too much in loans after this, but the first year is tough. I’ll know for sure when I meet with the FA councilor next week.

This week I still have one more meeting with SAC and a meeting later with the career development center to help me figure out what degree best suits my skills and interests. I know the kinds of things I like to do because I do them all in various volunteer situations, but it’d be nice to get a degree that would allow me to do some of it and actually make a living. We’ll see. I’ll know more after the meetings tomorrow.

Well I got so research to do on lunch ideas for school so I can menu and budget, so I’m heading out. I’ll keep ya’ll posted on the college adventure as things unfold.

Strange sensations

2009-06-28T17:26:13Z

Today has been an interesting day so far. Having finished the first batch of edits for Worlds Collide last night, I figured I’d take the day off to have a bit of fun before starting on the fixes on Shadow Magic. Seeing that I didn’t have to do anything too important, I decided also for this to be the day I started the ADD meds the doc prescribed me. Since I can’t seem to figure out how to spilt the capsule like he suggested (even after talking to the pharmacist who thinks the doc is loopy for not just prescribing me 15mgs in the first place for a temp tryout rather than trying to split the 30s), I took one of the 30s instead.

This is a weird feeling. I remember years ago when I doses myself heavily with caffeine because I was doing 60 to 80 hour a week shifts at the mental health center, and it feels a lot like that. I haven’t noticed an improvement in focus yet, but my skin feels very odd. Even up into my scalp my skin feels heavy and tingles a bit. It’s more of an irritating experience then uncomfortable, but I still hope the sensation is temporary. Has anyone else been on D-Amphetamine salt combo XR (Adderall)? Have you experienced these symptoms? Maybe it’s because I have been off all caffeine for over a decade (save some chocolate) .

A movie I'd like to see made

2009-06-27T16:42:36Z

Thanks to ocelott at genrereviews for this one!

On another note…

2009-06-26T21:00:36Z

Among the thoughts around the plan to start college in the fall, came an increasing concern about how my ADD and LDs would make my education hopes a far greater challenge. Because of this I went to my doc about the idea of taking meds for my ADD (I’ve tried many alternative treatments over the years with little noticeable results), and he sent me to a specialist. Today will me my first day on meds. The specialist told me to take half a capsule a day for 4 days and then to take a full capsule if I get no negative affects. I’m not sure how you take half a capsule. It’s not like splitting a regular pill in half. How come he couldn’t just prescribe me half dosages?

My Tribute to the King of Pop

2009-06-26T18:20:43Z

I know a lot of folks are fixated of the things they believe to be truth about Michael Jackson, and ya'll have a day with that. I'm not going to judge, you or him. What I do want to remember today is the Michael who opened doors, and tore down walls in popular music. The Michael who inspired countless musicians across many genres of music over several generations. The Michael who lived his life used and abused by the people around him, and still found it within himself to create music that is to that day a gift to those who that music touched. I haven't done a Thursday Thirteen for a long time, but today I dedicate to the memory of Michael Jackson as I choose to remember him. I force no one to honor him with me. You all may feel free to not click without judgment. For everyone else, I hope you enjoy. The first song I remember really getting into as a kid was during the Jackson 5 days. It was hard to get a good vid of them doing this song, but this was the first time the song was done on TV (Dick Clark I believe). The first time I heard this song was several years later when I was about 6 but it and the next four songs really stuck with me. They did so many other wonderfully fun song, but these five never fail to make me smile. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) Now like most kids I LOVE me some Wizard of OZ. I watched it every time it was on TV (yes kids there was a time before VCRS and DVD players). Around 1978 The WIZ came out and my vision of the Dorothy in Oz story would never be the same. 6)

You can't win - Michael Jackson - The wiz Uploaded by xBillieJean. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more. Now Off the Wall was an amazing album, though I admit I like some good disco, so it might not be an album that appeals to everyone. These are just FUN! 7)
MICHAEL JACKSON - DON'T STOP TIL YOU GET ENOUGH Uploaded by hushhush112. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
8)
Michael Jackson - Rock With You Uploaded by klmbaby. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
And who in the history of music will ever forget the impact Thriller had on music and future musicians. One of the few albums I own that I love ALL the songs in, here are a few of my favs. 9)
M.Jackson Human Nature Uploaded by nicobus. -
10) And of course….. 11)
Thriller - Music Video Uploaded by dreadcentral. - Check out other Film & TV videos.
I have many other favs since his Thriller days, but these are the tops for me. So, okay, I go over my 13, but who can complain about a few bonuses? 12)
Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney - Say Say Say Uploaded by jpdc11. - Explore more music videos.
13)
Michael Jackson - Scream Uploaded by kellyfan42. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
Bonus #1
Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal Uploaded by Tina007. - Watch more music videos, in HD!
Bonus #2
Michael Jackson - Heal The World Uploaded by cavapanon. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.
Bonus #3
Michael Jackson - Leave Me Alone Uploaded by Stella78. - Watch more music videos, in HD!
My you find the peace denied you for so long, Michael
Michael Jackson -Cry Uploaded by foxysoul. - Explore more music videos.

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Catching up

2009-06-26T12:58:48Z

Between wrestling with a financial crisis and the heat (and no AC) beating me down in sweaty fits of allergy misery, I’ve gotten very little done this week. I won’t be able to afford to do to the convention this weekend, and my hope of pulling off a last minute trip for GCLS con are pretty much hopeless at this point as well. I guess it’s for the best. I have three books worth of edits show up this week needing to be done.

Worlds Collide is in its first run of pro edits, which is a good sign for a winter release end of this year or beginning of next, so that comes first. Next on my plate are the fixes on Shadow Magic which just came back from an editor friend. I should be able to tackle these and get it done before the end of June, which was my goal, so that is good.

Last is the final beta on Bloodstained Innocence, the urban fantasy I’m hoping to use to get agented. Once it’s done I have to put together a query letter and start looking for LGBT friendly agents that handle urban fantasy. The concern is this is not a romance or erotica, though there is some romantic content, and I’ve been told UF with erotic content sells better. I would rather see this marketed as a YA urban fantasy piece or a UF suspense rather than romance, especially since there isn’t the traditional romantic HEA though there is a happy ending IMO. We’ll see what the agent says soon as I figure out who to send queries to.

And I just found out last night about the death of Michael Jackson and Farrah Faucet. I admit I wasn’t a big fan of Farrah, but I grew up loving MJ’s music from very young. I do know he was a very sensitive child, much like my own son, and was under a great deal of pressure for many many years, with very little emotional support. I’m certain in the same circumstances, without I great deal of support, my own son would break emotionally. That is such a lot to ask of any child, esepcially one so sensitive natured. I don’t know enough of the truth behind his life over the past couple decades to know how to feel about many of the things said about him. I doubt the full truth will ever be known. One thing I do know fore cetain, no one can deny the gift his music was to so many, myself included. For that gift I honor him.

No matter what may or may not have happen in his living days, may Michael finally have the peace denied him for long, and may those who loved him find the best piece he left behind in his song, and hold those close.

Contemplating…

2009-06-18T17:29:13Z

One thing I’ve been thinking a lot about since yesterday is omens and parsonal transformation. Yesterday on the way to the college admin building a crow swooped low right in front of me. After talking to the admissions guy and dropping off my transcripts, I found a crow feather on the path back to where I was parked. As agent of change, the Crow seemed a very good sign that even as scary a journey as it was to return to college for a degree, that I was making the right choice. I’ve found myself thinking about the crow since then, and contemplating a new tattoo, something to acknowledge my dedication and determination to face the fear and the demons of my past, and not to let these things effect to possibilities in my future.

Sunday's looking so far away....

2009-06-16T16:40:36Z

I finally got the transcripts and the fee wavier into the UWM-Milw office so hopefully in a few weeks I’ll hear back on whether or not my application was accepted. I had to get as much done today as I can since the kids start their summer vacation tomorrow so getting anything done becomes far harder.

The Pride Festival seemed to go well, not that I got to see much of it. One of these years I have to lesson the shifts I do volenteering so I’m not too tired to enjoy myself. I did get to meet some new folks, and it’s always great to see the families coming together during the day. Monster lass got a cold so she didn’t get to go this weekend, but she did help both days of set up (since she got suspended from school for two days *sigh*)

I got to watch the first episode of the second season of True Blood yesterday since I taped it while I was at the Pride event. I am soooo addicted to this show. It’s the first TV series I’ve bothered keep up with (after watching the first season on DvD that is) for years. I really enjoyed this new episode, and if you want to hear more about my thoughts come read past the spoiler line.

There’s something inherently wrong when you find yourself celebrating upon seeing the horribly mutilated body of a woman, but I did cheer in glee I admit it. I was sooooo happy that the body didn’t belong to Lafayette (as it had in the books) that I cheered aloud for almost s full 30 seconds. I had been certain that if the show moved off canon as much as they seemed to be, that if the body wasn’t Lafayette it would make most sense to be Miss Jeanette. I was very pleased to have been right.

I wasn’t real happy for the first shot of my beloved bad boy Lafayette to look like a flashback scene from Roots, however it did make sense once I found out it was the vamps that had him and the other that they were being treated like animals. I get the feeling the vamps see less skin color and more a over all anti human racism in this case. My hope that once Lafayette gets a chance to talk to the sheriff of highlights himself (okay Eric you are far less scary killing some redneck with foil in your hair, sorry dude!) he can explain that he didn’t kill Eddie, was just trading good hot lovin’ for blood. Eric is a business man, he’d understand a mutually beneficial transaction like that.

Blah blah blah, Bill and Sookie fight, make up sex, moving on…

I’m loving the bad girl teen vamp though. It would be cool for her and Sookie to BFF up since Bill is getting on my nerves to be honest. I do get why Sookie didn't want the check, but darn, giving it to her bro...not going to turn out well.

I’m getting tired of all the Het sex, I can’t wait to see the Queen of Louisiana to come in with her gyrl lovers and heat things up. I admit, I wouldn’t mind if they actually showed some of Tara and Sam or Tara and Egg (mostly for the Tara part), but Regina might have some non-nudity thing in her contract, so I may end up having to be disappointed around that.

I know…I know…Marianne is supposed to be a badie if I go by the version of her as a maenad in the book, but I really really like her anyways. I love the way she told off Tara’s mother. The last thing Tara needs is to have the woman she trusts so much turn out to be using her. And yeah, Carl, didn’t nobody need any damn towels!

There was lots more cool stuff in the episode, and now next Sunday feels so very very far away. Here’s the best episode recap I’ve seen so far, one of many people I know who don’t like vamp shows, but are now hooked on First Blood because it’s so beyond sparkly vamp stuff.

Just so it’s said

2009-06-13T12:31:58Z

I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. I’ve spent the past two days busting my hinny keeping set up for the LGBT Pride Fest this weekend here in MIlwaukee and will be doing two full shifts volunteering each full day of the festival (today and Sunday), one shift in the mornings as courtesy staff (basically providing help when requested from disabled patrons), and the later shift as festival security. Already feeling tried and still two days to go.

An Ounce of Prevention...

2009-06-09T14:18:11Z

I got this out of one of my email newsletters and I thought I'd pass it on. It's posted as safety tips for women, but a lot of them would work well for anyone trying to keep safer.

Safety Tips for Women
An Ounce of Prevention...

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans: If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR , LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it .. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: a) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat, b) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars, c) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. (This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted
his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point:

Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ---- This e-mail should be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory has been mentioned on America 's Most wanted when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana.

Ranty day

2009-06-08T17:03:27Z

Well, I finally heard back from PD on the sequel to Ancestral Magic and there was a huge list of issues that need to be fixed before it can be contracted. Hell! Some of the stuff they say to add is already in the story so I’m at a total loss on how to fix. It was like getting an editor list of fixes to be done without the editor guiding me through where thing could be added or worked in. My ADD brain is about to explode. I want to fix the note very badly but I am feeling so overwhelmed I don’t see how I can manage. I hate feeling like this, like I’m too dumb to understand what other folks find easy. I mean it makes sense when I go chapter by chapter with an editor, but general note like this make not sense to me. Fuck! I hate being like this!

Update and Green Monday: Making Tofu

2009-06-08T15:03:38Z

Decompressing a bit today about surviving my first solo reading and pouting over the cool weather when I was hoping for summer temps. I have a new (new to me anyways) vintage bike I’m looking forward to breaking in and want some nice weather for my first official ride. It’s my first bike and I’m looking forward to getting used to riding. Please forgive if there's a ton of typos today, my brain's a tad distracted lately as am I.

I also got a reminder from Outpost that my order of soy beans is in and it got me thinking about making my own tofu. I’ve found since I stopped eating meat I’ve had some grilled and sautéed tofu I really liked and am looking forward to learning how to prepare it myself. I really need to cook more and tightened the food budget with needing to pay off bills and prepare to afford school this fall.

Until I get the soymilk maker I want (the Soyapower Plus runs around $170) I’m going to either have to buy the soymilk or make it myself. Since I have the bulk beans coming (soon as next paycheck comes and I go pick them up) I figured I’d start with searching out some easy soy milk making instructions.

One of the sites I found mentioned soaking the beans for several days so that the skins come off easily. Removing the skins is said to lesson the beany taste of the milk. This is done by placing about half the soaked beans (a batch is about 1 cup of dried beans) in a bowl and soaking them in hot water for a few minutes. You rub off the skins by hand and as the skins float to the top and you can remove them while you drain off the water. After a circular stir the water is drained off and the process begins again. This seems like a lot of work, but I’ll give it a try anyways.

The next step involves a powerful blender. Take half a cup of the drained (skinned) soybeans and in the blender add them to 3 cups boiling water. (safety tip: to avoid burns leave the plastic center piece of the blender lid out and cover with a folded tea towel because if steam builds up inside an unventilated blender it could explode) Blend on high about one minute.

Dump the pasty mush into a cloth-lined colander set into a 5 quart or bigger pan. Pour half a cup of cold water into the blender, swish it around and pour over the mash. Twist and squeeze the cloth to drain out all the milk from soy pulp/okara into the bowl. Knead the lump of okara until it’s as dry as you can get it. Clean the colander and the cloth off well for the next batch. Now they mention storing the okara so I assume I can use it as well for other things. I’d hate to have to just toss it in the worm bin or compost heap. I do know the soy pulp/okara must be cooked before eating. Maybe I can season and brown it for use on pizzas and the like.

Now next comes the cooking. Since I want to do this all at once I’m going to use the stove top method. They mention using something called a flame tamer which is a round metal burner cover with holes in it and a handle. I’ll have to look into getting one of those. So I set the pan on the flame tamer and bring the milk just to a boil. Then as soon as it boils, I turn the milk down to a low simmer, cover, and cook 30 minutes, stirring often.

Now the next step is flavoring, which I can do to the quarts of milk for drinking, but not with the stuff for tofu. I have some agave sweetener that might be good for this purpose. About a tablespoon of sweetener and a forth of a teaspoon of salt per quart. The instructions say don’t eliminate the salt and sweetener unless it's just for cooking-- dairy milk is naturally high in sodium and milk sugar; these flavors have to be added to soymilk. If you like, whisk in 3/4 T. calcium carbonate powder (purchase from your pharmacist). (This adds about 300 mg of calcium per cup, or about the same as regular milk.) Shake well before pouring.

Now if I am saving some of the soymilk for drinking I’ll need to have a few sterilized quart jars ready for this purpose. I do admit I really enjoyed the dried fruit and granola with soy milk I ate yesterday while I was in Madison, so I might save some for this depending on how much I need for the tofu. Plenty of room in the fridge. Side note: they say if the containers are tightly sealed (and not opened until you need them), kept cold, and generally treated like any milk, the soymilk will keep for 1 and 1/2-2 weeks. If the milk separates after cooling, shake the container well. If it goes sour, it can be used in cooking and baking like buttermilk. Also if the jar is left open, it will solidify like yogurt and can be used as such.

Making the Tofu

Looks like I need to make two batches of soymilk (I need about 4 1/2 quarts of milk) if I want enough milk for tofu and milk to drink. The milk had to be heated to about 180 degrees (not boiling) and then a coagulant is added. My first try I think I will use two heaping tablespoons of Epsom salts, dissolved in 1/2 cup boiling water. It’s cheap. Ofter I get good at it I can play with some other kinds. The coagulant mixture must be very hot when added to the heated milk. Drizzle the coagulant mix over the top and then blend using a single gentle stir, no more.

After adding the coagulant the heat is turned to its lowest setting (or off in the case of an electric stove). Leave it for about 10 minutes and then do one more single gentle stir. At this point the curds and whey should separate. The instruction say if after 10 minutes or so, curds have formed, but the liquid still is milky white (instead of clear amber), that means a little more coagulant is needed. Mix up a little more, making sure it is very hot, and drizzle over the top. On more gentle stir and within another couple minutes, the liquid should change to a clear amber.

Now at this step a tofu box is mentioned. I haven’t been able to find one of those locally and figure for my first try I’ll make my own. I couldn’t find some good instructions on making one so looks as though I’ll have to order one online. In the meantime I will see what makeshift ideas I can dig up for my box. In either case I carefully spoon/pour the contents of the pan into a damp very finely woven cheesecloth filled colander until you only have the curds in the cloth. Cloth and all transfer the curds to the pressing box. Do not take too long, you want everything to not cool too much. Cover the curds with the excess cheesecloth and press with 20 pounds of weight for about 45 minutes for a firm tofu and 5 pounds for 15 minutes for a softer tofu.

After that the instructions say once the tofu has cooled, place it in a container, cover it with fresh, cold water, and cover the container. Refrigerate and change the water every day. It will keep about a week. Looking at the amount of work required I am really wishing for the soy milk maker. Three batches in the maker will make a batch of tofu. So besides the beans I need a box, a flame tamer, and some good quality cheese cloth as well as the coagulant. I think this experiment might need to wait until after Think Galacticon when life slows down a tad. I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

Looking forward

2009-06-06T13:06:46Z

I applied at a local university yesterday, at least did the online application part. I have to wait to come up with the $44 fee to send it in. I’m still looking over my course/degree options, not sure what will fit what I want to do best. I know I want to do youth counseling of some kind, though I realize more of those require a master’s degree. My hope is to find some way for my bachelors to get me working while I complete the master’s education. I can’t get in with a career councilor until I’ve applied, nor can I sign up for financial aid until I apply, so…I applied. I’ve taken the first step. We’ll see what happens after that.

A new ebook out - Isabella by Moondancer Drake

2009-06-05T12:30:01Z

Awhile ago I talked about a remake of the Beauty and the Beast story I did and of finding it a new home. Well today that has become a reality. My modern fairy tale, “Isabella”, is now available through Shadowfire Press, and at $2.50 what a steal. :)

Isabella by Moondancer Drake

Genre: Historic f/f Erotic Romance

Heat Rating: Warm

Warnings: GLBT f/f

Length: Long Story-9500 words

Price: $2.50

Available now from Shadowfire Press

Two women must face their inner demons to find love.

Blurb

After years of being one of the most affluent families in the city, the Diazs have lost everything and now struggle to make ends meet as their father's self esteem dies a slow death. Unlike her spoiled sisters, Isabella takes the changes in stride, until the day her father is given an offer she doesn't think they can afford to refuse. Her freedom in exchange for her families renewed wealth.

Rebecca Darkholm lives a cursed life, and only love can set her free. Long ago she gave up on finding that love until the day she meets Isabella, whose beauty and gentle nature capture Rebbeca's heart. But when Isabella comes to stay ate Darkholm Manor Rebecca fears her hideousness will be too great a barrier for even a woman like Isabella to see past.

Will these two women be able too look past their inner demons or is their love doomed to tragedy?

Excerpt

Rebecca didn't answer for a long time, and Isabella wondered if she'd gotten too personal. Then, finally Rebecca's dark hands fidgeted nervously and she spoke. "I was born—deformed. Cursed. My mother took me all over the world to every doctor, and even mystic she could find. When I was in my teens we met a witch on a trip to Canada. She told us that only love given without shame could set me free."

"Love?" The idea was so sweet and romantic, but Isabella didn't believe in things like curses or magic. Still, she itched to see what was hidden under the cloak. How bad could it be? Isabella took a step toward Rebecca. "Do you ever take off the cloak?"

Rebecca shook her head, and the hood rustled with the movement. "Not unless I'm alone."

Isabella took another step closer. "Could I see what you look like? I won't be afraid."

"How can you know that? My own mother can't look at me without this." Rebecca's black hands gripped the edge of the cloak, short nails tipped the fingers like a lizard's claws, yellowed and thick. "I can't bear to see the fear and horror when people look at me."

Out of kindness, Isabella suppressed a shudder. "But how will you find love if no one can ever see you for who you truly are?"

"For who I truly am?" Rebecca's tone was bitter and her voice shook with contained grief. "No one will ever know who I truly am. How can they? They will only see the monster, not the woman within."

"Then let me see." Isabella didn't know why, but at that moment she needed to know, needed to see what everyone else feared. She touched the edges of the hood. "Please."

Rebecca didn't answer for a few minutes, but Isabella waited patiently until she did. "If I show you what I hide from the world you must promise me something. You must kiss me. Swear to it, and I'll do as you ask."

"Kiss you?" Isabella didn't draw her hands away from the heavy broadcloth, but she hesitated all the same. She'd given so few kisses to anyone outside her family before, never to a stranger. But then, if she was going to be here for a long time, this kindness wasn't too much to perform as an act of friendship. "Yes, I promise."

Rebecca nodded, and slowly Isabella drew the hood back away from her face. The gasp that followed stuck in Isabella's throat. She'd expected a shock, but nothing like this. This wasn't simply a deformity. Rebecca didn't look human.

The shape of her face was close to that of a woman, with high cheekbones and sharply tilted eyes. That's where the human resemblance began to blur. Her black skin was smooth, like obsidian glass that shone with an unnatural sheen in the pale lamplight. Rebecca's eyes were such a rich crimson they reminded Isabella of the color of fresh blood. The most shocking of all was that the red claimed the whole eye, without leaving a touch of white. There wasn't a trace of hair on her face, but long tresses of blue black had slipped out from within the crumpled hood.

"Nothing to say?" Rebecca said quietly, revealing as she spoke a mouth full of shark like teeth which gleamed against lips as red as her eyes. "Are you rethinking that promise?"

For a time fear held Isabella in place, but then the shock melted away to be replaced by a very different emotion. "No. It just… I can't imagine what it must have been like for you… growing up the way you... I mean..."

"No you can't imagine." A hurt tone crept into Rebecca's voice. "Don't worry. I won't hold you to your promise. It was just as I expected anyway."

Rebecca reached for the edges of her hood to pull it up again, but Isabella put her hands over Rebecca's to stop her. "Then you shouldn't assume."

Isabella leaned in, and just as their lips came close enough to touch she closed her eyes. She was ashamed of herself. Her sisters were shallow, judged others by the way they looked, they way they dressed, and here she was doing the same. Rebecca couldn't help the fact that she....

The fact that she looked like a monster.

Available now from Shadowfire Press

--
Moondancer Drake
Where the possibilities of true magic are endless, and the touch of the Goddess shapes us all.

www.moondancerdrake.com
http://moondancerdrake.livejournal.com

Ancestral Magic now available from SCP and your local bookstore.
Nashoba’s Hope now available from Shadowfire Press
Isabella now available from Shadowfire Press
A Taste of Inspiration coming out from Shadowfire Press July 3rd

Some progress

2009-06-05T01:35:39Z

It took some relocation of workspace (coffeeshop rather than home) but I finally got some writing done today. I’m up to chapter 7 in Natural Rebirth (sequel to Natural Order) which is a start at least.

16892 / 100000 words. 17% done!

A mother’s lament

2009-06-03T16:54:18Z

Even as my daughter was born I hoped she’d dodge the bullet that is ADD as her brother as I could not. Sure, she’s shown behavior issues at time but it was normal, I told myself, part of her strong personality. She has periods of time when she’s doing well so I tell myself she’s over the hump, everything will be fine, but the storm always returns. Sure, I noticed her chewing on things as her brother and I do, the difficulty staying on task, being unable to make it through a full movie in the theatre. She was only 4 I told myself...only 5....only 6....

Most of the first semester had been okay, but in the past couple months her behavior hit an all time low. I’ve been at a loss, not knowing how to help her back on track. No matter the reward for a good day, most days I still got the dreaded phone call or note saying the storm had returned. She's been suspended from the bus...from school... doing things more and more that seems so unlike her.

Today we went to see her doctor because my daughter was complaining her leg still hurt from a playground accident the day before. He wasn’t in so we got a very nice doctor who told me it was a bone bruise and not to worry. I was comfortable enough with her to talk about my daughter problems at school. I was sure it couldn’t be ADD, I told her, if so she would have these issues all of the time like her brother had.

It seems I was wrong. ADhD she said was far easier to diagnose, especially severe cases, where as mild cases of ADD might not have obvious symptoms surface until as late as 2nd or 3rd grade. The trick is as the academic work becomes harder the emotional tools the child normally uses to control the ADD behavior are needed more and more to keep focus on the school work, leaving nothing for the child to use to control social behavior.

Fuck!

Okay. So nothing definite I told myself. Just a lot of maybes. I took my daughter back to school and told her classroom teacher about her leg. Also, while my daughter was out of earshot I told him what the doctors had said, and he admitted he was certain with his experiences that she would eventually be diagnosed ADD by 3rd grade, but didn’t say anything now because he hated seeing parents medicate their kids this early while the children were still building their coping tools.

Thanks for the head up, Mr. Teacher. The fact I’m the one who has been teaching you about vermicomposting and other natural environmentally friendly practices wasn’t enough of a clue that I just MIGHT be open to alternative treatments beside meds? All the one on one meeting we had, all the telephone conversations, my daughter’s suspension, with all of this and he couldn’t have mentioned in his professional opinion her behavior could all be add up to impulse control issues and extreme distractibility…in other words all symptoms of ADD.

Fuckin’ A!

I decided before I made the phone calls for the testing I’d talk to her specialty teachers to see what they’d noticed in regards to her behavior. They all said the same thing. She is very smart, loves the classes and with her talents should be able to do the work with ease, and even so, her lack impulse control and her ease of distractibility makes it impossible for her the keep on task and gets her into constant trouble. They all seem very frustrated by the fact that they know what wonderful things she is capable of, and yet they watch her struggle to control herself.

FUCK!

So it comes down to this. As much as I’ve fought to admit it, as much as I hoped my daughter had been spared the struggle I face day to day, it looks as though the next step has come. I’m making the phone calls now to get her tested. From there we’ll see. Part of me dreads the answer, though I know we can’t take the next step until we have that answer. Even if the answer ends up being that she has ADD, that doesn’t change who she is, it just tells us how we can help her to quiet her mind so she can find the control to be the smart and wonderful girl we know that’s inside her.

As much as the idea that I may have passed on ADD to my little girl as I have my son breaks my heart, I also know that like her brother she will have the support I never had. She won’t grow up thinking she is broken, or stupid, or flawed as I did. We will follow the same path of alternative treatments we did with her brother, using meds as a last resort, using anything we can to make the control easier for her without sacrificing her amazing spirit. I can show her in what ways ADD can be a blessing and can be used for acts of creation, and what tricks to use to help keep focus when that part of her is needed as well.

Together we’ll all get through this, no matter what answer the questions lead us to.

Looking for advice.

2009-06-02T13:26:27Z

Not much activity happened at either one of my online author events this weekend, so it’s got me worried about my author reading this weekend at Room of One’s Own in Madison, WI. I’ve always been in a group of authors doping reading, so this is my first time going solo. It’s just me and the audience for a whole hour. Now I have a few pieces I can read, and I know I need to do and into, and a question and answer session at the end. I have no idea how to take up the hour just myself and not bore the folks listening. Any thoughts for those who have been to solo reading or have done them? What worked well and what didn’t?

Goodbye to a heroically brave doctor

2009-06-01T13:59:17Z

I’ve been struggling since yesterday about how to write about Dr. Tiller’s murder, but I feared I was still too angry to be rational. I posted the following in a friend’s lj, and realized after writing it that it pretty much summed up what I wanted to say.

I think of the rage I felt every time I had to walk a woman past a line of protestors who screamed horrible things at her without knowing anything about her story. I’ve read about the unconscionable things done to doctors like Dr Tiller, who no matter the fear and the violence their suffered, continue to do their jobs. The bravery of these doctors, and everyone who worked in those clinics to give women a safe place to carry out a very hard choice is phenomenal.

These pro-lifers talk about respect for life, and yes so do mean it, but for others like the shooter and those like him have no idea what true respect for the sanctity of life means. My heart goes out to Dr. Tiller’s friend and family, to all the lives this murder and other like it have touched, and too the people gathering for the vigil in Boston. We are with you.

Thanks to silk_noir for this link

Dr. Tiller In His Own Words

Interview and update

2009-06-01T13:01:50Z

The past few days have been crazy, but before I start with my update, I wanted to let folks know that my interview is up at Paperback Diva.

Saturday I took the three remaining foster kittens to the adoption fair, and while many folks held and looked at them, I don’t know if anything looked definite on adoption. It’s the beginning of kitten season so with all the cute little baby kittens, getting my bigger kids adopted out right now might be more of a challenge. I am still hopeful. This has been a hard batch health wise and has taken a ton of love and care to get to where they are now. They came to us with a bad shelter cold that nearly killed Smokey, and since have had two cases of eye infections and two cases of ringworm. It seriously slowed down those early fair appearances at the adoption fairs which is why they are mostly only being seen at the later ages. The good thing is they are very healthy now, even if their care left me very tired. :)

Sunday was the IFGS game, Adrian’s first game back in over 6 years, and the kid’s 2nd game. It was physically challenging, but I think fun was had all around. I checked the weather before we left, but when we got to Verona it was far hotter than expected. So much for dressing for the weather. We’re looking forward to the next game in two weeks. My daughter is the youngest child I’ve even seen play in this chapter, at age six, but is so very cute with her sword and shield at the team’s knight. She’s a decent fighter, though her dad needs to work with her more on how to use the shield and the sword at the same time. Her mom has no idea how to do shield and sword because staff as well as dual sword are my specialties. My son is having fun doing the ranger and his fighting with his dual swords is getting better.

Still not any writing happening. I’ve really been distractible since Wiscon, far more than usual, like someone turned my ADD level on high and left it there. I maybe should look at possible dietary causes. Who knows, maybe the talk the family had about making plans over the next few years to move out of Milwaukee got me all geared up. I’m hoping for Madison or Minneapolis, but Adrian is talking about getting away from the Midwest to someplace warmer. Either way I think looking again at going to school in preparation for the move so both of us can bring in an income for the move seems like a good plan. I've thought a lot of what I want to do, compared to where my academic strengths lay and I am still not sure if the things I'd like to do most are within my ability. I keep coming back to being a youth councelor, being able to provide support for kids so they have what I didn't. So many kids of all ages fall through the cracks in the system and in the schools. I like the idea of being one more net to close the gaps.

On another note I finally went to check out the Tool Shed this week, a women centered erotic boutique here in Milwaukee. I must be getting boring. Instead of some of the spicy book or a new sex toy what did I walk out of the store with? A Diva Cup. I’ve been wanting to try them for a long time, and since my Moontime had just started that morning it seemed as good a time as any. I used it Friday and Saturday, but Sunday I switched back to tampons because I was afraid of loosing it in the outhouse pit at the game. So far the Diva Cup seems to be working well. I hadn’t known what to expect. It took a bit to place it well, and I still wear a pad for the few drips I’ve seen as I’m getting used to placing it properly, but even so I feel like the money and environment by the lessoning of the tampons I use will be worth it. Maybe once I get used to it I can stop using pads all together. Even so I’m still using less of those too.

I got several more emails from folks who’ve read Ancestral Magic and I couldn’t be more pleased. There was lots of interesting in the sequel, Shadow Magic, so hopefully PD will have an answer for me soon on the contract for that. A couple of the emails mentioned sitting down to read the book “to only read a few chapters before bed” and staying up all night to finish. I think that was the best news of all.

I really do need to get some writing done. I’ve been spending so much time playing catch up at the end of this busy month and leading up to it, I haven’t touched Natural Rebirth in a long time. If I hope to get it ready to submit by the time Natural Order is out, I really need to get working on it. PD seems very backlogged on submissions in their slush pile, I want to give Natural Rebirth plenty of time. I was hoping for a year between books in series from each other, but it’s looking closer to two the way things are going. I hate to make readers wait too long.

Oh, I almost forgot. As some of you know I’ve been bike shopping. I wanted to get some exercise as well as be gentler on the environment when I run short errands. Because I am so short finding a used bike my size has been a challenge. Well, I found a vintage one speed at the thrift store Saturday morning and took it into the bike shop for a tune up and a look see. They said for a bike that was likely older than I was it was a great shape. All they had to do was replace the pedals. It even had a double basket in back all ready for my shopping needs.

Now keep in mind I have never owned a bike before. I used friend bikes a couple time, but a bike of my own was never something we could afford while I was growing up. So I am very new at the whole biking thing. I picked up a bike lock that looks easy enough to use, but I am still slightly intimidated at the idea of riding on the busy city streets around where I live. One more time I wish I lived closer to the east side which has a lot of bike paths. I’ve gotten up on the bike and my balance seems good considering my lack of experience riding, so I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it.

Moon’s Wiscon 33 2009 report, Monday

2009-05-28T16:14:07Z

Monday at Wiscon is always the saddest day and the busiest. Lucky Adrian was nice enough to handle the checking out of the hotel so I could do my panel and the Sign Out. Next year we’re going to see if we can afford to arrive a day early and stay a day late to give us more time to be social and less rushing.

I heard so many wonderful things about the guest of honor speeches and the awards event I wish I could’ve gone to the event. Adrian was running the AV last night so I stayed in the room with my daughter and got the much needed rest. Even so I was still exhausted Monday as I packed out things and went off to my first panel. “Tech Tools for Writers” I took lots of notes for this panel, some I will share later as I look into the tools mentioned.

“Getting It Wrong Gracefully” was a mixed bag I think. Good conversation were had, but some of the things at least one (maybe two, I’m still processing) of my fellow panelists said I found rather problematic. I also discovered the father of my kids might need another conversation on how to choose his words carefully when asking a question from a privileged point of view (a conversation which I admit gave us something to do on the ride home). Even with some of the challenges, I really feel some good did come out of this conversation, maybe if nothing else then the reminder safe space need to be had for more of these talks to happen.

The Sign Out was an experience. I stole the spot next to Nnedi and even though not a lot of folks stopped by for me to sign stuff, I had some kick ass conversations. It was an amazing feeling to be there my first year as a published author.

Days later I am still tired, emotionally and physically, but I am so glad I went this year. I miss so many people so deeply, it’s like leaving my family behind. Once a year never feels like it’s enough.

Moon’s Wiscon 33 2009 report, Sunday

2009-05-28T15:56:36Z

Okay, about halfway through the weekend now, and even so the whole Wiscon was going by way too fast. Some fail today (even a little on my part *sad* and possible triggers ahead), but still a good day all in all.

Likely because I’m a glutton for punishment I got up early again to check out the “Etiquette of Self Promotion” panel. Most of the stuff I already knew (proving to myself I’m not as clueless on the topic as I often worry I am), but I did pick up a few new ideas and was even able to offer suggestions. It was worth getting up early for. :)

Here is a great write-up of the mentioned panel

Next was the panel on “Dealing with Your Male Answer Syndrome”, one I feared we were not near as prepared for as we’d hoped to be. It went off much better than I feared it would. John H. Kim was a fabulous moderator and no matter where the panelists or the audience took the conversation, he was able to keep us from tangenting too much. I think we ended up talking a lot about the reason behind the general need people have for needing to have an answer even when a question was not asked, and all in all it turned out well.

Before lunch I did find out about some fail that had me rolling my eyes. Prepare for rant!

C’mon folks! The name tags are there for a reason. If you are not sure about a person identity please do not make a guess based on who she or he might “kinda look like” That’s not only lazy, that’s damn insulting. Nor are the wonderful amount of POC Wiscon had in attendance there for ya’ll to be gawking at. This is not a zoo or a carnival, we are there for our pleasure, not white folks entertainment.

Rant over.

Great lunch at Noodles and Co, even though I made the poor folks there switch my meal for something less spicy. I admit I’m still very new at the vegetarian thing so still getting used to new dishes and spice levels. I had some kick ass conversations at lunch, and even though my daughter insisted on tagging along, she sat with her friends nearby so I was still able to talk grown up talk. I don’t get near enough of that sometimes.

I tried going to the “Going Native” panel, but the conversations turned a troublesome direction so I ended up ducking out to the Gender in YA panel which was packed to the door and I enjoyed. Next year maybe this one needs a bigger room. :)

I normally don’t do the academic tracks too much but I had to catch my new friend Kinitra Brooks and her wonderful presentation on “The Black Woman in the Land of Zombies” She did a bang up job, and I really enjoyed it. It was a good mixed between visual and audio, which works well for my learning style, plus as a speaker she had an engaging manner to her which makes a person want to listen.

I tried very hard to stay for the other presenter, but my lack of sleep was catching up on me by then and I really had trouble fighting the ADD fuzzy to focus. I headed out right after for food and to wake up some before my next panel.

“Take Back the Sci Fi” was supposed to be about rape culture in fiction and media, or so I thought, but it quickly shifted into many of us talking about our own survivor stories, which is a subject I hadn’t been prepared to talk about. I don’t mind talking about my past when I have some time to emotionally prepare myself to do so, and I get the feeling many of the other panelists felt the same way.

The largest fail was when the moderator (and I like her personally, but this was not a good topic for her to facilitate I think) began to take audience questions and then told the two men who had their hands up they would not be allowed to speak until the end…I was stunned at seeing these men silenced like that, stunned into complete enraged muteness. My emotions were so raw from talking about my own past abuse that I just couldn’t get anything to come out to speak out against the mods ruling.

This was my fail. Both men are friend and do not seem to be upset with me for my failure, but I and upset with myself for not speaking out right then and there. As much as some women want to insist rape and sexual assault is only an anti women based crime, this is untrue. Also, rape and sexual assault touches many lives, not just those of the victems...these crime effect families, friends, whole communities. Not only did the mod not know the history of the men she silenced, what they too might of suffered, the silencing assumed they as men had nothing to add to the conversation. For this reason and so many others I was wrong for not speaking up, and am very sorry for my part in that fail.

shadesong (my top choice for facilitator for conversations like this next year. The work she does is so very core to the children in her community and thier protection.), karnythia's pre-writeup and writeup posts
(I was thrilled to get to meet her this weekend and honored to be present while she shared her story. We are lucky to have such strong women in this community), hps_sterling (who was the one who spoke up against the mod's ruling, and for this I thank her profusely), asim (someone I was honored to get to know better this weekend and who I failed as a friend for not speaking up in defense of at this panel), and Trochai (who wrote a not to be missed post on his panel experiences here) have also written their experiences around this panel and I would urge you all to check out theirs as well, which are each far worth the time to read. I hope I didn't miss anyone who wrote post about this that need to be mentioned. If I did please poke me about them.

One positive thing that came out of what turned into a four hour conversation (one I unfortunately had to leave midway though to grab my child from childcare) was the realization that many of our community have been wounded and are in need of safe spaces to talk about these things, and well trained support to facilitate these conversations. It looks as though plans are being made for this for Wiscon next year, and for this I am deeply grateful. I said things in that room I haven’t admitted to many of my own family, and knowing that support was there would’ve made all the difference in the world.

After a bit of dinner I took my daughter to the hotel room and insisted we take a nap before the Fancy Dress party she was insisting on going to. Between lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through the night with a socially active six year old, but the nap helped a little. I’m sure I had many conversation I only vaguely remember, but I’d say flirting with Vito was one of the most memorable. (wink) Thank’s to Z for keeping an I on my daughter so I could be more social than normal.

Along with deep heartfelt thanks to all of you that pulled be out of my shyness to make me fee welcome, I want to say thank too for those who put up with my nervous babbling. Late night once more but well worth the loss of sleep.